Friday, May 30, 2014

I'm not the mother I thought I would be...

I'll admit it. This isn't the life I planned.

When I was younger, I thought I would married, have my first child by age 25, and then my second not long after. I would have two boys and we would spend our days going from soccer to basketball or baseball. We would also spend our weekends at MENSA functions.

Well, I was married at 21 and had my first boy at 25. A year and a half later, I had a girl....  didn't see that coming. Obviously, biology didn't make note of my life plan.

Even with that curveball, I planned on being the mom who had it all together. That didn't happen either. What type of mom am I?

I am the type of mother who puts on my cute boots to go out in the rain with one baby in my arms and one in the belly and slips and falls... on my stomach... and accidentally throws the other baby (but thankfully he lands on his bottom) and ends up in the hospital with contractions and a large placental lake.

I am the type of mother who doesn't understand "mom culture" so I show up to your kid's birthday party in a Star Wars T-shirt, jeans, and chucks and either end up hanging out with and playing with the kids, or chatting with the dads about super heroes and comic books... A lot of moms don't care for the latter. My bad. I'm not good at mingling.

I'm the type of mother who sets alarms to remember to pick up her kids because I know what it feels like to be forgotten, and because I know that I'm forgetful and will walk around saying things like "I know that I'm forgetting something... but what?"

I'm the type of mom who won't let her kids watch cartoons that she doesn't like. And by that I mean cartoons that I think are cool or interesting.

I'm the type of mom who forces herself to "kiss the ouchies" because what I really want to say to my kids when they get hurt is "walk it off." But! Kids need compassion or something...

I'm the type of mother who's younger brother is 13 years younger than me, so I don't understand sibling rivalry. I just look at my kids and say things like "don't be awful people, get it together, " or their favorite "do your research" which doesn't really mean anything.

I've said all this to say that I never really feel that I have the answers, or that I have it together. I'm behind in every chore, I'm tired most of the time and sometimes I sit in the bathroom for 30 minutes playing Farm Heroes Saga because I'm feeling cranky.

HOWEVER, I do know this:

It will get easier.
I will get more rest... eventually
My chores will no longer be a daunting task because I have created minions to do them for me.
AND despite the chaos, I'm so proud of how imaginative and loving my kids are.

What kind of mom did/do you expect to be?

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Tummy Trouble

I have diastasis recti (abdominal separation). Most women after child birth and some newborns have this and it's not really an issue because there is connective tissue in between the abdominal muscles. I was born with it, and also a hernia in that connective tissue.

Because of it, I've never really had strong abs, my back always made up for it. I didn't know that I had this sort of defect until I was much older. I always had discomfort, but didn't think much of it. I got the hole in my belly fixed about 11 years go. The failure rate is about 50%, and much higher if you have children. (Things the surgeon did not tell me, even after I asked.)

While I was pregnant with my youngest, the hernia repair called it quits. I remember feeling a lot of pain in my tummy and then I felt a pop. A smooth part of my round belly was now raised. I shrugged it off, until I gave birth and my back got injured. My whole source of stability was weakened and for over a month, I could barely lift my legs. I stumbled all the time. My balance was off. The doctor gave me a cane. The only time I felt some stability was when I bound my tummy.


I thought about getting it fixed, but the failure rate is extremely high for me now. The surgeon suggested repairing the diastasis recti, but that's a 3 month recovery period, and with three kids, that seems like torture. I asked for physical therapy. It's helping some. I'm noticing improvements, I also still wrap my mid section. I started swimming. I need to get strong again because my kids need me to play!


Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentines, Smalentines.

I have never been into Valentines day. I was never a kid who got the box of valentines day cards to give to my classmates. I can remember my mom buying me a box of Treasure Troll Valentine's Day cards, and I kept them all for myself. I didn't like that it isolated people from each other. Designed to make the couples feel good about being a couple and the single folks wish they had someone. "Ef Valentines day!" when you were alone and celebrating it as one of the best day of the year when you had someone.
White bears with red hearts that collect dust and look odd on any other day of the year. Too much pink. Too much red. Too much peer pressure. People felt obligated to be lovey dovey. Couples clashed on the significance of the day. Another reason to fight.

I'm not one to knock any true celebration of love. I LOVE love. I especially love when it's free and unexpected. This day always felt slightly mean-spirited to me and too commercial. I think everyone, single or not, should pick a random day every other week to celebrate love. If this sounds like too much for you, you probably are suffering from one of two things. Either the people in your life are not very lovable or you aren't. Real love isn't a chore.

That being said, Husband and I did the Valentine thing for the second time since we have been together and we are entering our 12th year together. The first time was our very first Valentine's day together. I don't know. It was strange to me. I just don't think that's "us". Maybe we will do the V-day thing once every decade. ;-)

The moral of the story: admire and appreciate love every day and be lovable.

(I know this video of the devil women doesn't really fit. I just have the song stuck in my head. Singing: Why don't you love me?)

Monday, December 20, 2010

Introspection is key

Like the title suggests, introspection is an important part of human life. It's key to our survival. I don't mean that in the literal sense, but people are loosing everything because of an inability to be introspective. They're loosing jobs because they don't have the ability to evaluate their own performance and they're loosing their families because they lack the ability to apologize and rectify when things go wrong. 

There are too many people tho sit in church, or watch daytime talk shows and think "I wish So-and-so was hearing this." I know I am guilty of this. It's very hard to listen to a life lesson and use it as a litmus strip in our own lives. Before we try to psychoanalyze someone else, we need to evaluate ourselves. This is important because too many times we are the pots calling the kettles black.

Sure that other person still may need to be helped, but if you look at yourself first, you can now be empathetic and understanding towards that other person.

People who are always looking at what needs to be fixed in other people are usually very miserable people. It's hard to love them. I know I don't want to make it hard for people to love me. How about you?

Think of it this way: Imagine you need to lose weight and you hired a personal trainer, lets call him Lloyd. So Lloyd shows up to train you and he's overweight. Not only is he overweight, but he doesn't know he's overweight. He says things like, "I have the key to successful weight-loss" or "Look at the definition in my abs."
Why isn't he taking his own advice?
Why would you listen to him?
You'd fake a hamstring injury and never call Lloyd back.

Gandhi said it best when he said "Be the change you wish to see in the world." He was right on so many levels.

Friday, December 10, 2010

I F**ked Up

As a mom, I do my best to shield my kids from many of the ugly things in the world. I don't watch shows above a PG-13 rating while they are awake. I allowed my son to create his own playlist of children's/educational music.

I watch my mouth.

However, the other day, my son Biggie asked me to help him pass a level on his Wii video game. I took the remote from him and did what I thought was helping him through the level. Then he turns to me, looks me right in the eyes and in an even tone says, "Yaya, you're f**king up."

[insert long pause]

"I what?"
"You're f**king up."

Now for a split second, I thought to myself "Am I?"


Lets rewind.
Biggie has a photographic memory. He can remember exact details about a day if you show him a picture of it or ask him about it. He also remembers everything I say. A few weeks ago, my mother came over to help me clean the house and run errands (I was recovering from knee surgery). We went outside to go to her car when a man who was dressed like a woman jumped out of his boyfriend's moving car spewing profanity. The boyfriend left the car in the street and went after his love only to be slapped and pushed and cursed at and hit with a purse. Needless to say, this caught Biggie's attention.

He can repeat the exact conversation ver-ba-tim. He told everyone in my family what happened. My grandfather got a kick out of it. I had to let him know that those were not nice words to use and we don't say things like that.

Back to the present day.
How he used it in the correct timing and context, I will never know. However, I explained to him that we don't say things like that to people we love and he apologized and gave me a big hug.

Sidenote: It was kind of funny. My grandma calls me twice a day just to tell me the same thing and laugh. I had to tell myself not to laugh when he said it.

As much as I try to be protective, I cannot shield my kids from the world. It's out there. I just have to be ready to use those moments beyond my control as teachable moments and pray that I'm raising some awesome individuals.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Goodnight Cyd

Cyd Charisse, the long-legged beauty who danced with the Ballet Russe as a teenager and starred in MGM musicals with Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly, died Tuesday. She was 86.

Her name was Tula Ellice Finklea when she was born in Amarillo, Texas, on March 8, 1922. From her earliest years she was called Sid, because her older brother couldn't say "sister." She was a sickly girl who started dancing lessons to build up her strength after a bout with polio.

"I was so frail they were afraid to touch me," she recalled in that 1996 interview.

At 14 she auditioned for the head of the famed Ballet Russe, and became part of the corps de ballet and toured the U.S. and Europe. To appear with the nearly all-Russian company, she was first billed as Celia Siderova, than as Maria Istromena.

At one point during the European tour, she met up again with Nico Charisse, a handsome young dancer she had studied with for a time in Los Angeles. They married in Paris in 1939.

The Ballet Russe disbanded after the war broke out, and the newlyweds returned to Hollywood. In 1942, a son, Nicky, was born.

In 1948, the year after she and Nico divorced, Charisse married Martin. Her second son, Tony Jr., was born in 1950.


Full Article


For more info and a full list of credits, click here


Saturday, June 14, 2008

Don't Hate...seriously

Dear Hater,

I am who I am and do what I do, but that doesn't take anything away from who you are and what you do. Me being smart doesn't mean that you're dumb. Me being cute doesn't make you ugly. So don't hate on me...you're revealing too much about yourself. You're hating because you're too afraid to look in the mirror. You're afraid that you may not like what you see. It's sad that my accomplishments seem to magnify your insecurities.

Maybe no one has told you the truth. The truth is that you can do anything you set your mind to (Phil. 4:13). Know that every time you speak ill of me, you're uncovering more about yourself (Job 15:6) and (Psalm 12:2).

It's time to look at yourself and make a change (2 Corinth. 3:18). Every time you find yourself starting a sentence with "She thinks she's..." or "He thinks he's..." replace that with "I think she's (he's)" because that's what you're really saying.

"She thinks she's cute"
"I think she's cute...and I don't like it" (which you know is the truth).

We were made to talk about better things (Psalm 63:3).




More to come... Stay tuned.

Monday, June 9, 2008

I am grateful


A few days ago, I decided to take a nap with my son (he just turned 10 months today!) Well, he decided that he was no longer sleepy. I tried to trick him into going to sleep by pretending that I was asleep. I got a pleasant surprise.

While I laid there with my eyes closed he grabbed my face and gave me 3 kisses and 2 hugs. Then he sang to me and rubbed my head. I was filled with so much joy that I grabbed him, hugged, kissed and tickled him.

I LOVE those moments.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

I found this HILARIOUS

(06-02) 12:07 PDT Middletown, Pa. (AP) --

A computer spell-checker run amok christened several Pennsylvania high school students with new — and in some cases unflattering — last names.

Middletown Area High School's yearbook listed Max Zupanovic as "Max Supernova," Kathy Carbaugh as "Kathy Airbag" and Alessandra Ippolito as "Alexandria Impolite," just to name a few.

"It was kind of funny, but kind of rude at the same time," Ippolito said.

The mistakes were found on four of the yearbook's 176 pages, co-editor Amanda Gummo said.

Ed Patrick of Taylor Publishing, which printed the book, said his company is responsible for the errors and will provide free stickers printed with the correct names.

"It happens all the time, every year," Patrick said. "Look at any yearbook in the country."

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Hillary, Hillary, Hillary

Sigh. Is it me or is Hillary looking a bit like a sore loser? Hillary supporters have got to feel a little embarrassed at times. Kind of like when your mom comes to your school in hair rollers and house shoes.

Ah,the Bosnia fib.

Then demanding that votes be count in a state where Obama wasn't even on the ballot.

And oh yeah, the RFK comments. I get what she was trying to say (about historic primaries going into the month of June)but her analogy was not relevant. When RFK was assassinated, he had just won California's primary election. California is one of those states that can make or break a candidate, that's why the candidates typically wait until after the California primary to concede. This was also true for her husband in 1992, who's election she also referenced.

California already voted! So what are you doing Hillary!? GO HOME. Do not belabor this. More than your feelings are at stake. I know that you are desperately craving the title of first woman president, but be a lady about this.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Rev Michael Pfleger



This video has been causing some controversy. I was with him until the "I'm white" part. I don't really have a frame of reference for this and don't really know how to feel about it.

It just seems like YouTube.com has gotten a lot of folks in trouble for things that they have been saying in private for years. Some people say that it creates accountability. Personally, I feel that everything is not everybody's business.

What are your thoughts?

not a haiku


There is so much that exists between everywhere and nowhere that we cannot possibly comprehend the significance of a dew drop on a rose petal.

Lesson:

Don't let others define you

i forgot to remember




i'm sorry
i forgot to remember you
if i had known then that the mind was a muscle,
i would have remembered you
if i had known then that there was more to the story,
i would have remembered you
i didn't know they'd say i look just like you
i didn't know that night is no different from day
i didn't know that they would steal you forever
it's so hard to miss you
if i had known then that memories...need to be remembered,
i would have remembered you
so
dad
i'm sorry
i forgot to remember you

Thursday, May 29, 2008

TaSh-ism

Lesson of the day:
Be more than you are...and don't tell anyone.

Marriage!

Why do people have an aversion towards marriage?

Specifically, why are Christian people developing an aversion towards marriage?

I've heard (Christian) people say:

"marriage is overrated"

"I don't need a piece of paper to make my love valid."

"Why get married when more than half of all marriages end in divorce?"

"I've never seen a happy married couple."

"Why would I want to restrict myself with marriage?"

As a married Christian, I actually feel insulted when I hear people refer to something I cherish as some sort of foul object. They say that marriage is overrated.

Well, who rated it?

Marriage is more than a piece of paper and if you don't believe that then you don't deserve the gift of marriage.

As Christians, we have to realize that life and the morals that govern our lives are not up to us to decide. We have a road map. The Bible is not just summer reading. If the Bible values and praises marriage, how can you be disdainful towards it?

Whether you go to church regularly or not, the New Testament is the foundation for Christianity. And while some ideas and passages are up for debate and left open to interpretation, the rules of marriage are not. In the Old Testament, there are even chapters dedicated to praising the value of having a good wife. Have you forgotten that marriage has been important since Genesis (2:24)?

Marriage is more than a piece of paper. It's a covenant with God. There is joy and power in promising God that you will love, honor, respect, and cherish someone. There is such beauty in knowing that you have chosen the father or mother of your children, the grandfather/mother of your grand kids.

As a married woman, I wake up each morning thanking God that I have a Man of God on my team, even when I'm mad at him. I love knowing that no matter how bad my day is going, I can come home to someone who has promised God that he will be there to support me. I didn't promise a piece of paper. I didn't promise my momma. I didn't even promise my husband, because I didn't have to. I promised God that I will commit myself to this marriage. That covenant is stronger than any man-made promise. It's stronger than statistics. I don't care what the percentages are, why would I set myself up to fail?

If I am conscious of a statistic, why should I allow my life to validate it?

If other people made certain choices that lead to the destruction of their own marriage, does that mean that you have to go down that same road? Why not look at that statistic and say, "Knowing that happened to other people, I need to make sure I work hard to prevent it from happening to me."

Imagine this: You have a bright younger sibling who is about to graduate from High School. You ask them, "What college are you going to?" They reply, "I'm not going to college. I don't need a degree to prove that I'm smart. Plus, too many people flunk out of college."

Who is stopping you from having the marriage you desire?

A marriage rooted in the Word is one of God's best blessings.

Math

Whoever said that relationships are 50/50 need to be hit on the thigh with a sugar cane. They don't have to be hit hard, just hard enough to stain the memory and leave a welt.

If I'm giving 50% of the time what am I doing the other 50%? Taking? If I am giving for 50 and taking for the other 50, positive 50 plus negative 50 is still zero. If the other person is doing the same, zero plus zero is still, say it with me now, ZERO!

What if the other person takes more than they give? Doesn't that leave me with less than I started with?

I was sitting outside of Starbucks one beautiful day, sipping on green tea lemonade when a random man asked, "Whats one plus one?" "Excuse me," I said.

"Most people think one plus one is two, but in nature its actually three."

Well, I thought this man was crazy, but after I've thought about it, I realize that he may have a point.

Applied to relationships (from friendships to marriage), one plus one is three. Thats who I am alone, who you are alone, and who we are together.

Its not 50/50; its 100/100 because what you give should not be contingent on what you are receiving. If that were the case, we'd all come up short.

Bill of Rights

1. You have the right to sing and rap in the shower and/or tub as if no one in the other rooms can hear you.

2. You have the right to try whatever dance move you saw in a music video.

3. You have the right to have celebrity crushes and get offended if anyone talks bad about him/her.

4. You have the right to ask questions and be nosey sometimes, not because you need to know, but just because you want to know.

5. You have the right to laugh so hard that drool comes out of you mouth and not be embarrassed because sometimes, things are just that funny.

6. You have the right to buy something that you don't need, as long as you got it for a good price.

7. You have the right to stare at people in public places (if they didn't want to be looked at, they should have stayed at home).

8. You have the right to be picky with your food and to like onion rings but not onions or tomato soup but not tomatoes.

9. You have the right to wear your hair like that even though we all talk about you.

10. You have the right to think that someone else is musty and then realize that you forgot to put deodorant on.

11. You have the right to say something stupid every once in a while and when someone asks you about it act like you didn't say it.

A Financial TaSh-ism

I have bad credit so that no one will steal my identity.

A TaSh-ism for the Spirit

True independence can only be attained through total dependence.

Seriously.

There is freedom in total surrender.

I'll explain.

As humans we are innately lacking in so many things. Our spirits especially, if we weren't, we'd be God. Knowing that we lack so much, it would be foolish to depend solely on ourselves for things. But we do and all we end up with is frustration. Then we say, "It's not fair."

Have you ever noticed that the people who brag about "not having to depend on anybody or any thing" are usually the most unhappy people?

Since we are all lacking as humans it would be equally foolish to seek what we lack in other people. There's a lot more I could say about this but I'll put it simply: That's not how the puzzle was designed.

Sure, we need other people but not in the way that we think. That's why we were put here together.

But back to the original statement: True independence can only be attained through total dependence.

All that we need and all that we seek is in God. There are many great scriptures that I can quote and they can either touch your heart or go over your head. But I will say that philosophy describes God as all-powerful, all knowing, without lack (meaning bad or evil), and also ever present.

Since God, by nature, cannot lack, and we, by nature, do, why not choose Him as your support? I'm not speaking to the atheists, because I'm speaking from experience. I am not nor have I ever been an athiest and I've gown up knowing who God is and what He could do. I saw it in the bible. However, I never related to the people in the bible. "Why would God do for me what he did for Abraham, David, Joseph, or Ester? That was thousands of years ago and if I want to make it in this world, I have to do it myself." That's what I believed.

But I went through this life banging my head on the wall with frustration. So I surrendered. I mean honestly, what did I have to lose? I wasn't getting anywhere.

There was so much strength and freedom in that surrender that it's hard to explain. It's kind of like not having a job and being stressed out about it and then getting hired and knowing that you start work in a week. You feel free knowing that your need is taken care of, so you sleep easy because you know that you stat work next Monday.

With God, all needs are met. How do I know? He said so. And since He cannot lack that means that He cannot lie like we do because a lie is a lack of truth. So what makes me different from Abraham? Well, besides the obvious gender differences...nothing. Because God is ever-present, His promises are as good today as they were when time began. Have you ever heard the statement "Let go and Let God"? That's total dependence, and it's only with this dependence that we can conquer and slay the dragons set before us.

So why stress when you can surrender?

The Truth

My husband and I watched a special on the discovery channel that talked about dinosaurs and evolution. They concluded that (get this), the modern day chicken evolved from the t-rex. Well, hubby laughed at this theory, but I got a much needed moment of clarity. This explains why I hate chickens, they're mini t-rexes that terrorize the world. They're also vile and disgusting creatures that I'm pretty sure are over populating the planet.

Chickens are {bleep}holes.

I'm pretty sure that all the world's problems are somehow caused by chickens.

Global Warming - chickens.

Low self-esteem - chickens.

War - Chickens!

My nightmares - Chicken-rexes.

Don't be fooled. A chicken is not a beautiful thing. I'm not just saying this because I'm afraid of chickens, I'm pretty sure that most of this is true.