I'm not the mother I thought I would be...

I'll admit it. This isn't the life I planned.

When I was younger, I thought I would married, have my first child by age 25, and then my second not long after. I would have two boys and we would spend our days going from soccer to basketball or baseball. We would also spend our weekends at MENSA functions.

Well, I was married at 21 and had my first boy at 25. A year and a half later, I had a girl....  didn't see that coming. Obviously, biology didn't make note of my life plan.

Even with that curveball, I planned on being the mom who had it all together. That didn't happen either. What type of mom am I?

I am the type of mother who puts on my cute boots to go out in the rain with one baby in my arms and one in the belly and slips and falls... on my stomach... and accidentally throws the other baby (but thankfully he lands on his bottom) and ends up in the hospital with contractions and a large placental lake.

I am the type of mother who doesn't understand "mom culture" so I show up to your kid's birthday party in a Star Wars T-shirt, jeans, and chucks and either end up hanging out with and playing with the kids, or chatting with the dads about super heroes and comic books... A lot of moms don't care for the latter. My bad. I'm not good at mingling.

I'm the type of mother who sets alarms to remember to pick up her kids because I know what it feels like to be forgotten, and because I know that I'm forgetful and will walk around saying things like "I know that I'm forgetting something... but what?"

I'm the type of mom who won't let her kids watch cartoons that she doesn't like. And by that I mean cartoons that I think are cool or interesting.

I'm the type of mom who forces herself to "kiss the ouchies" because what I really want to say to my kids when they get hurt is "walk it off." But! Kids need compassion or something...

I'm the type of mother who's younger brother is 13 years younger than me, so I don't understand sibling rivalry. I just look at my kids and say things like "don't be awful people, get it together, " or their favorite "do your research" which doesn't really mean anything.

I've said all this to say that I never really feel that I have the answers, or that I have it together. I'm behind in every chore, I'm tired most of the time and sometimes I sit in the bathroom for 30 minutes playing Farm Heroes Saga because I'm feeling cranky.

HOWEVER, I do know this:

It will get easier.
I will get more rest... eventually
My chores will no longer be a daunting task because I have created minions to do them for me.
AND despite the chaos, I'm so proud of how imaginative and loving my kids are.

What kind of mom did/do you expect to be?

I am grateful

A few days ago, I decided to take a nap with my son (he just turned 10 months today!) Well, he decided that he was no longer sleepy. I tried to trick him into going to sleep by pretending that I was asleep. I got a pleasant surprise.

While I laid there with my eyes closed he grabbed my face and gave me 3 kisses and 2 hugs. Then he sang to me and rubbed my head. I was filled with so much joy that I grabbed him, hugged, kissed and tickled him.

I LOVE those moments.

i forgot to remember

i'm sorry
i forgot to remember you
if i had known then that the mind was a muscle,
i would have remembered you
if i had known then that there was more to the story,
i would have remembered you
i didn't know they'd say i look just like you
i didn't know that night is no different from day
i didn't know that they would steal you forever
it's so hard to miss you
if i had known then that memories...need to be remembered,
i would have remembered you
so
dad
i'm sorry
i forgot to remember you