I'm not the mother I thought I would be...

I'll admit it. This isn't the life I planned.

When I was younger, I thought I would married, have my first child by age 25, and then my second not long after. I would have two boys and we would spend our days going from soccer to basketball or baseball. We would also spend our weekends at MENSA functions.

Well, I was married at 21 and had my first boy at 25. A year and a half later, I had a girl....  didn't see that coming. Obviously, biology didn't make note of my life plan.

Even with that curveball, I planned on being the mom who had it all together. That didn't happen either. What type of mom am I?

I am the type of mother who puts on my cute boots to go out in the rain with one baby in my arms and one in the belly and slips and falls... on my stomach... and accidentally throws the other baby (but thankfully he lands on his bottom) and ends up in the hospital with contractions and a large placental lake.

I am the type of mother who doesn't understand "mom culture" so I show up to your kid's birthday party in a Star Wars T-shirt, jeans, and chucks and either end up hanging out with and playing with the kids, or chatting with the dads about super heroes and comic books... A lot of moms don't care for the latter. My bad. I'm not good at mingling.

I'm the type of mother who sets alarms to remember to pick up her kids because I know what it feels like to be forgotten, and because I know that I'm forgetful and will walk around saying things like "I know that I'm forgetting something... but what?"

I'm the type of mom who won't let her kids watch cartoons that she doesn't like. And by that I mean cartoons that I think are cool or interesting.

I'm the type of mom who forces herself to "kiss the ouchies" because what I really want to say to my kids when they get hurt is "walk it off." But! Kids need compassion or something...

I'm the type of mother who's younger brother is 13 years younger than me, so I don't understand sibling rivalry. I just look at my kids and say things like "don't be awful people, get it together, " or their favorite "do your research" which doesn't really mean anything.

I've said all this to say that I never really feel that I have the answers, or that I have it together. I'm behind in every chore, I'm tired most of the time and sometimes I sit in the bathroom for 30 minutes playing Farm Heroes Saga because I'm feeling cranky.

HOWEVER, I do know this:

It will get easier.
I will get more rest... eventually
My chores will no longer be a daunting task because I have created minions to do them for me.
AND despite the chaos, I'm so proud of how imaginative and loving my kids are.

What kind of mom did/do you expect to be?

I F**ked Up

As a mom, I do my best to shield my kids from many of the ugly things in the world. I don't watch shows above a PG-13 rating while they are awake. I allowed my son to create his own playlist of children's/educational music.

I watch my mouth.

However, the other day, my son Biggie asked me to help him pass a level on his Wii video game. I took the remote from him and did what I thought was helping him through the level. Then he turns to me, looks me right in the eyes and in an even tone says, "Yaya, you're f**king up."

[insert long pause]

"I what?"
"You're f**king up."

Now for a split second, I thought to myself "Am I?"


Lets rewind.
Biggie has a photographic memory. He can remember exact details about a day if you show him a picture of it or ask him about it. He also remembers everything I say. A few weeks ago, my mother came over to help me clean the house and run errands (I was recovering from knee surgery). We went outside to go to her car when a man who was dressed like a woman jumped out of his boyfriend's moving car spewing profanity. The boyfriend left the car in the street and went after his love only to be slapped and pushed and cursed at and hit with a purse. Needless to say, this caught Biggie's attention.

He can repeat the exact conversation ver-ba-tim. He told everyone in my family what happened. My grandfather got a kick out of it. I had to let him know that those were not nice words to use and we don't say things like that.

Back to the present day.
How he used it in the correct timing and context, I will never know. However, I explained to him that we don't say things like that to people we love and he apologized and gave me a big hug.

Sidenote: It was kind of funny. My grandma calls me twice a day just to tell me the same thing and laugh. I had to tell myself not to laugh when he said it.

As much as I try to be protective, I cannot shield my kids from the world. It's out there. I just have to be ready to use those moments beyond my control as teachable moments and pray that I'm raising some awesome individuals.