I'm not the mother I thought I would be...

I'll admit it. This isn't the life I planned.

When I was younger, I thought I would married, have my first child by age 25, and then my second not long after. I would have two boys and we would spend our days going from soccer to basketball or baseball. We would also spend our weekends at MENSA functions.

Well, I was married at 21 and had my first boy at 25. A year and a half later, I had a girl....  didn't see that coming. Obviously, biology didn't make note of my life plan.

Even with that curveball, I planned on being the mom who had it all together. That didn't happen either. What type of mom am I?

I am the type of mother who puts on my cute boots to go out in the rain with one baby in my arms and one in the belly and slips and falls... on my stomach... and accidentally throws the other baby (but thankfully he lands on his bottom) and ends up in the hospital with contractions and a large placental lake.

I am the type of mother who doesn't understand "mom culture" so I show up to your kid's birthday party in a Star Wars T-shirt, jeans, and chucks and either end up hanging out with and playing with the kids, or chatting with the dads about super heroes and comic books... A lot of moms don't care for the latter. My bad. I'm not good at mingling.

I'm the type of mother who sets alarms to remember to pick up her kids because I know what it feels like to be forgotten, and because I know that I'm forgetful and will walk around saying things like "I know that I'm forgetting something... but what?"

I'm the type of mom who won't let her kids watch cartoons that she doesn't like. And by that I mean cartoons that I think are cool or interesting.

I'm the type of mom who forces herself to "kiss the ouchies" because what I really want to say to my kids when they get hurt is "walk it off." But! Kids need compassion or something...

I'm the type of mother who's younger brother is 13 years younger than me, so I don't understand sibling rivalry. I just look at my kids and say things like "don't be awful people, get it together, " or their favorite "do your research" which doesn't really mean anything.

I've said all this to say that I never really feel that I have the answers, or that I have it together. I'm behind in every chore, I'm tired most of the time and sometimes I sit in the bathroom for 30 minutes playing Farm Heroes Saga because I'm feeling cranky.

HOWEVER, I do know this:

It will get easier.
I will get more rest... eventually
My chores will no longer be a daunting task because I have created minions to do them for me.
AND despite the chaos, I'm so proud of how imaginative and loving my kids are.

What kind of mom did/do you expect to be?

Tummy Trouble

I have diastasis recti (abdominal separation). Most women after child birth and some newborns have this and it's not really an issue because there is connective tissue in between the abdominal muscles. I was born with it, and also a hernia in that connective tissue.

Because of it, I've never really had strong abs, my back always made up for it. I didn't know that I had this sort of defect until I was much older. I always had discomfort, but didn't think much of it. I got the hole in my belly fixed about 11 years go. The failure rate is about 50%, and much higher if you have children. (Things the surgeon did not tell me, even after I asked.)

While I was pregnant with my youngest, the hernia repair called it quits. I remember feeling a lot of pain in my tummy and then I felt a pop. A smooth part of my round belly was now raised. I shrugged it off, until I gave birth and my back got injured. My whole source of stability was weakened and for over a month, I could barely lift my legs. I stumbled all the time. My balance was off. The doctor gave me a cane. The only time I felt some stability was when I bound my tummy.


I thought about getting it fixed, but the failure rate is extremely high for me now. The surgeon suggested repairing the diastasis recti, but that's a 3 month recovery period, and with three kids, that seems like torture. I asked for physical therapy. It's helping some. I'm noticing improvements, I also still wrap my mid section. I started swimming. I need to get strong again because my kids need me to play!

Valentines, Smalentines.

I have never been into Valentines day. I was never a kid who got the box of valentines day cards to give to my classmates. I can remember my mom buying me a box of Treasure Troll Valentine's Day cards, and I kept them all for myself. I didn't like that it isolated people from each other. Designed to make the couples feel good about being a couple and the single folks wish they had someone. "Ef Valentines day!" when you were alone and celebrating it as one of the best day of the year when you had someone.
White bears with red hearts that collect dust and look odd on any other day of the year. Too much pink. Too much red. Too much peer pressure. People felt obligated to be lovey dovey. Couples clashed on the significance of the day. Another reason to fight.

I'm not one to knock any true celebration of love. I LOVE love. I especially love when it's free and unexpected. This day always felt slightly mean-spirited to me and too commercial. I think everyone, single or not, should pick a random day every other week to celebrate love. If this sounds like too much for you, you probably are suffering from one of two things. Either the people in your life are not very lovable or you aren't. Real love isn't a chore.

That being said, Husband and I did the Valentine thing for the second time since we have been together and we are entering our 12th year together. The first time was our very first Valentine's day together. I don't know. It was strange to me. I just don't think that's "us". Maybe we will do the V-day thing once every decade. ;-)

The moral of the story: admire and appreciate love every day and be lovable.

(I know this video of the devil women doesn't really fit. I just have the song stuck in my head. Singing: Why don't you love me?)